a girl guide for blokes

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Popping the big question

So being the dedicated girl guide that I am I was browsing the Cosmo website and found this section where apparently the girls are supposed to help the guys. I thought I'd give it a crack, cos hey, anything girls can do guys can do just as well.

Damien asked the following question:
Will you marry me?
What's a nice, unique way I can propose to my girlfriend? I don't want to do anything clich├ęd.
This really jolted a slow onflow of inspiration which soon avalanched, here's what I submitted. I'm pretty proud of the effort and would love to see this put into action.

First up, a confession, this agony aunt is a man.

I know, it's surprising to hear it for the first time, but hopefully I can help you out a little anyway.

There's nothing a girl likes more than pleasant surprises. So how about you set up the big Q with a series of unexpected events over the course of a week.

Sunday, let's start small, because we've got all week to build this up. Wake up your special girl to a pancake breakfast topped with some ice cream and maple syrup.

Monday, get a small arrangement of her favourite flowers delivered to her at work. You get double credit for having flowers delivered at work because not only does she get the flowers, but every other girl in the office is jealous.

A small note to go with the flowers should explain that your lovely lady's presence is requested for lunch on Tuesday. There's no need to go for anywhere really expensive, we're trying to build slowly here, so just a nice little cafe will do.

Lunch on Tuesday she will be expecting now, so it doesn't count as the day's surprise. Tuesday's surprise shall be that you have already arranged the afternoon off with her boss and you're now delivering her into the expert hands of a day spa with instructions to while away the afternoon with massages and aromatherapy.

By now something is beginning to tweak in her mind, unless you're a regular Don Juan these three treats on successive days are going to allude to the fact that something's going on. Never fear Damien, it's the delightful torture that will make it even more enjoyable for her and it's up to you to keep a straight face and never give up the next treat until its time has come.

Wednesday we're going to bring it back simple for a bit here. Get the afternoon (or the whole day if you think you'll need it) off work. Get home and make sure the place is nice and clean. Have flowers and candles decorating the place and break out a nice home cooked meal. What you choose to cook will depend on just how good a cook you already are.

If you're not too confident about your culinary skills here's where it's time to be a little sly. Somewhere out there amongst your friends and family, if you tell them what you're up to and beg for a little support, they might just help you with the cooking part before your girl gets home before work. What she doesn't know here isn't going to hurt her, and just in case you should be sure to have a bath drawn or massage offered for after dinner so that she doesn't even have time to wonder how the man who survives on baked beans on toast pulled off this tastebud delight.

Your bosses might love you, but they probably also love your work. So Thursday you're both regrettably back at work. If you're doing your job well so far truth be told your fiancee-to-be probably isn't doing much work as she has every other woman in the workplace around her while she regales them with your achievements to date. You can be sure that at least one of them is going to suggest that you're planning what we both know that you are, but that's ok because now we're just building the anticipation.

To add to the show, you should arrange for Thursday to have hourly courier deliveries. Alternate between a short love note and a small number of fine chocolates on each hour.

Now that we're at Friday night she's almost dying inside waiting for it. You've made a booking for two at a fine restaurant. All you need to tell your by-now insane girlfriend though is that she should wear a nice dress. Call a taxi or limousine to take you to dinner and enjoy some exquisite cuisine.

Damien, she thinks that this is where it's going to happen. But by now you and I know that the further we stretch this the more amazing the pleasure is going to be when you do the deed. Enjoy your meal, do what loving couples do. Friday night is the last night you go to bed with your girlfriend, by tomorrow night you'll be going to bed with your fiancee.

Saturday will be a day of routine, do whatever you would normally do, something like the groceries. Now this is where it comes down to your willpower Damien. I personally, would continue with the regular day until it was nearly time for bed. By now however you've probably spent a pretty amazing week with the love of your life and may not be able to hold out so long.

When you can hold on no more and you've just got to pop the question, there should be no fanfare. You just bring out the ring from wherever you've been keeping it and you say to your girlfriend -

"You are the love of my life, will you marry me?"
Let's see how it goes hey?


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