a girl guide for blokes

Friday, December 16, 2005

The free gift that's absolutely priceless

This gift costs you absolutely nada, yet the result is priceless.

Print as many (or as few) of these as you'd like, wrap them up with something else, put them in a card, anything.

The recipient gets to use them when she chooses with no complaints from you. She will love this both when she gets them and when she uses them.

For added effect include in the gift a nice bottle of massage oil or some soothing music. There really is no excuse not to include this in a Christmas, birthday or Valentine's Day gift.

Monday, December 12, 2005

interpretation exercise #1

The key to getting a hold on how to understand women? It's a pretty obscure tactic sometimes referred to as 'listening.'

One thing the blogosphere offers up is plenty of thoughts in an environment where people sometimes feel safe to say what they wouldn't otherwise for hundreds of strangers to read.

South Side Elaine shares some insight in to herself as inspired by rice paddies somewhere in India, check it out for yourself and kudos to Elaine for letting us look in the window for a little bit :)

Saturday, December 10, 2005

be nice to her cat

I'm a cat lover anyway, perhaps this is why I can see how blatantly stupid some guys are when it comes to cats.

So maybe you don't like cats, but if the girl that you're interested in has one, she probably does. In this case the fastest way to make her not like you is going to be making comments about how much you dislike cats.

Nobody is asking you to be Fluffy's best friend, just can the overplayed dislike for her.

Besides, you might even learn something from her cat. They're fickle creatures who don't normally give up their affection to just anybody. If you can earn her cat's affection you might just be a step closer with the girl you like.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

first search engine referral

And isn't it a doozie...

guide to have sex with a girl

While the tips here might help you impress the girl that's as far as I'm taking it, after that I'm afraid you're on your own (metaphorically if not physically).

Sunday, December 04, 2005

What not to do: Exhibit A

So this site is normally about what to do, but when I stumbled across this example of horrendous stupidity I just had to pass it on as a what not to do.

A friend of mine began dating again having separated from her husband. After a promising start with a 30-something corporate flunkie type she decided to end it because he just drank too much for her liking (an understanding "deal-breaker", I think). The morning after, he emailed her with his bank account details and told her to wire money into it as payment for the bottle of vodka he'd left at her place (half of which he'd consumed the night before) and for the unopened 6-pack of condoms he'd also left behind. OK I've never dated much, but is that what's out there?? I shed a tear.

Courtesy of Ms Hairy Legs.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Popping the big question

So being the dedicated girl guide that I am I was browsing the Cosmo website and found this section where apparently the girls are supposed to help the guys. I thought I'd give it a crack, cos hey, anything girls can do guys can do just as well.

Damien asked the following question:
Will you marry me?
What's a nice, unique way I can propose to my girlfriend? I don't want to do anything clich├ęd.
This really jolted a slow onflow of inspiration which soon avalanched, here's what I submitted. I'm pretty proud of the effort and would love to see this put into action.

First up, a confession, this agony aunt is a man.

I know, it's surprising to hear it for the first time, but hopefully I can help you out a little anyway.

There's nothing a girl likes more than pleasant surprises. So how about you set up the big Q with a series of unexpected events over the course of a week.

Sunday, let's start small, because we've got all week to build this up. Wake up your special girl to a pancake breakfast topped with some ice cream and maple syrup.

Monday, get a small arrangement of her favourite flowers delivered to her at work. You get double credit for having flowers delivered at work because not only does she get the flowers, but every other girl in the office is jealous.

A small note to go with the flowers should explain that your lovely lady's presence is requested for lunch on Tuesday. There's no need to go for anywhere really expensive, we're trying to build slowly here, so just a nice little cafe will do.

Lunch on Tuesday she will be expecting now, so it doesn't count as the day's surprise. Tuesday's surprise shall be that you have already arranged the afternoon off with her boss and you're now delivering her into the expert hands of a day spa with instructions to while away the afternoon with massages and aromatherapy.

By now something is beginning to tweak in her mind, unless you're a regular Don Juan these three treats on successive days are going to allude to the fact that something's going on. Never fear Damien, it's the delightful torture that will make it even more enjoyable for her and it's up to you to keep a straight face and never give up the next treat until its time has come.

Wednesday we're going to bring it back simple for a bit here. Get the afternoon (or the whole day if you think you'll need it) off work. Get home and make sure the place is nice and clean. Have flowers and candles decorating the place and break out a nice home cooked meal. What you choose to cook will depend on just how good a cook you already are.

If you're not too confident about your culinary skills here's where it's time to be a little sly. Somewhere out there amongst your friends and family, if you tell them what you're up to and beg for a little support, they might just help you with the cooking part before your girl gets home before work. What she doesn't know here isn't going to hurt her, and just in case you should be sure to have a bath drawn or massage offered for after dinner so that she doesn't even have time to wonder how the man who survives on baked beans on toast pulled off this tastebud delight.

Your bosses might love you, but they probably also love your work. So Thursday you're both regrettably back at work. If you're doing your job well so far truth be told your fiancee-to-be probably isn't doing much work as she has every other woman in the workplace around her while she regales them with your achievements to date. You can be sure that at least one of them is going to suggest that you're planning what we both know that you are, but that's ok because now we're just building the anticipation.

To add to the show, you should arrange for Thursday to have hourly courier deliveries. Alternate between a short love note and a small number of fine chocolates on each hour.

Now that we're at Friday night she's almost dying inside waiting for it. You've made a booking for two at a fine restaurant. All you need to tell your by-now insane girlfriend though is that she should wear a nice dress. Call a taxi or limousine to take you to dinner and enjoy some exquisite cuisine.

Damien, she thinks that this is where it's going to happen. But by now you and I know that the further we stretch this the more amazing the pleasure is going to be when you do the deed. Enjoy your meal, do what loving couples do. Friday night is the last night you go to bed with your girlfriend, by tomorrow night you'll be going to bed with your fiancee.

Saturday will be a day of routine, do whatever you would normally do, something like the groceries. Now this is where it comes down to your willpower Damien. I personally, would continue with the regular day until it was nearly time for bed. By now however you've probably spent a pretty amazing week with the love of your life and may not be able to hold out so long.

When you can hold on no more and you've just got to pop the question, there should be no fanfare. You just bring out the ring from wherever you've been keeping it and you say to your girlfriend -

"You are the love of my life, will you marry me?"
Let's see how it goes hey?

Impress her, provide dinner without using the phone

An important skill for any guy out there who'd like to make a good impression is the ability to throw together at least a couple of decent meals.

I found this recipe for Oven-baked chicken schnitzels with spicy wedges which is reasonably simple and can even be cheated on a little.

So here are my cheating tips:
  • Ditch the combination of cayenne pepper and paprika, just buy cajun spice mix
  • A really simple green side would be to just steam a bit of baby bok choy. If you want to be extra impressive check out this site for some bok choy know-how.
It's even pretty lean so that will get you some credit. I'm going extra slack tonight and rather than making this one as a schnitzel just using a bit of pre-prepared (by my good friends at Masterfood, not me) Portugeuse Chicken spice.

Good luck!